oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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