friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
