Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
