i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
