remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
