I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
