I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
