I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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