porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
