did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I want to have your abortion
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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