The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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