She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
