Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Alive.
So much puke
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
