Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
