Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
