So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
