Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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