My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
