So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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