i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
