ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
