Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
