Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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