the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
