you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
