His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
