I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
that is very illegal...i love you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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