My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
