We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
