Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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