I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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