She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
