I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
