you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
