Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
