Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
