please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
