My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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