I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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