Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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