Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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