i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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