Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
