Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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