he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Randomize
