So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
