Pappa wants mamma naked
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
