I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
