i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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