Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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