Me too!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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