In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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