yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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