Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
